The Present

My girlfriend is always either obsessing about the past or worrying about the future. Is there any way to help her get into the here and now with me? Sid Arthur, Nimbin

Magenta says:

Why is it so hard to be in the present? Well it is a tough discipline to let go of the past, especially when one is wronged. Conscious, difficult forgiveness is our best friend when it comes to letting go. Dreams and nightmares help us work out the intricacies of the previous day/s and help us move on. And it is nigh impossible not to worry about the future.

Some believe they’re being caring by constantly worrying about their loved ones but it is just projecting potential negative outcomes based on their own fears. Most of the things I’ve worried about in my life never happened. So much time and energy wasted!But what do we mean by ‘being in the present’ and how do we get there, I mean here?

Researchers have found that there is a three-second window of ‘now’. Apparently, that is the duration of a single present moment. This three-second phenomenon repeats in everything from speech, movement to poetry. Psychologists call this window of alert perception “the feeling of nowness”. It can also be called ‘flow’. Flow is the experience of being fully immersed in an activity and wanting to be nowhere else. No matter how you do it, when you surrender yourself fully to what is taking place in the here and now, instead of the ruminative if only or the anxious I should, you begin to inhabit the three-second window of now.I find a quick way to become present is to watch my breath and count to three for as long as I can.

I get into the flow when I write, play music and ping pong, swim, walk and enjoy time with friends.So, Sid, find something you both love to do and discover the joy and power of Now together.

Norm says:

The reason, old mate, that women dwell in the past, and ponder the future, is that they are deeply intelligent beings. We men, on the other hand, are about as deep as a potty.Women know that to look back to the past helps you to understand the how and why of what’s happening now.

Like for example, had you not drunk a bottle of whiskey with your mates last year and attempted to drive home, you would still have your licence today.The future is something women are very good at predicting. Mainly because they have it planned already. They know they’re going to marry you, how many kids you’re going to have, what sort of house you’re going to live in and where, and how they’re going to bury you.

As for the present, just look around you. Likely you live in a clean, organised house. You sleep in clean sheets, have clean grundys to wear, and a fridge full of food. Everything you need in order to give the impression to the outside world that you are a functional, civilised human being and not some poor loser schmuck, is effortlessly and gracefully provided by her being very much in the present.

As for us codgers. We can’t remember the past, and we have no future, so fuck that. It’s in the present where it’s at baby. It’s all about what’s on telly, what’s for dinner, rumpy pumpy and let’s go down the pub and do it all again tomorrow. La dolce vita.I would suggest that if you don’t want a future where you’ll be looking back nostalgically to the past, that you just keep your head down and your mouth shut.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, today if a gift. That’s why they call it the present.