Normal

Norman and Magenta in Fancy Dress

My girlfriend's mother told her she should find a boyfriend who is more 'normal'. WTF? Curly McNutt, Nimbin

Magenta Says:

Believe it or not, Norm and I have often been referred to as a mad, eccentric couple. We look at each other and ask “why?”  What are they judging us on? Our clothes, our beliefs, our hair? We seem perfectly normal to each other and function as well as can be expected under the circumstances.

Normality is in the eye of the beholder and is based on a judgment that humans should all act, look and behave a certain way i.e. their way. This changes from country to country, even different regions.

A colourful, vibrant dresser who prefers bare feet, rainbow flares and amber beads seems like a freak in the city. Whereas put one of those city slickers all dressed in black and wearing, what we consider silly things, like ties or high heeled shoes, in our shire and you can pick them a mile away. The new city arrivals still in their all-black ensembles look to us like the grim reaper. We don’t even wear black at funerals here.

I love the guy who goes shopping dressed in a normal t-shirt on the top but underneath he is wearing a pink tutu over black, ripped stockings. He is dressing authentically and I can only admire his courage, if not his fashion sense.

Is acting (for often it is acting) normal something to aspire to? Or would it be better if we stopped trying to fit into other people's ideas of what they think we should be?

One day Norm was walking the dog and a little girl saw him and asked if he was a clown. He told her he wasn't and she said “are you sure you're not a clown?” He just happens to have bushy hair and was dressed in his usual, colourful manner. So you see it's all in the eye of the beholder.

John, your girlfriend obviously sees your true worth and loves you for it, regardless of what differences her mother perceives or wants for her daughter. It’s probably your difference that attracts her.

Tell her mother that you love and accept her even though she is a mean-spirited, judgmental, interfering bitch. Light and love…

“Normal is nothing more than a cycle on a washing machine.”

Whoopi Goldberg

Norm Says:

I once wrote a letter to the paper and they misprinted my name as Normal Appel. I was outraged. I wrote back demanding they correct it, declaring I'm anything but!

The definition of 'normal' is, 'functioning in a natural way, lacking observable abnormalities or deficiencies.' So, by definition, this rules out virtually the entire human race. Look at some political leaders, total degenerates displaying observable abnormalities and deficiencies.

Take a drive out of our little rainbow bubble and check out the freakshow you'll find in the shopping malls at the Gold Coast. These all-consuming, grog swilling, toilet blocking shoppers with their snouts in the food court are what the government and the big corporates lovingly refer to as the heartland. In other words, normal. Is that who you wanna be? As John Lennon says, “they're all fucking peasants as far as I can see.”

Many years ago, in circumstances too complex to go into, I was introduced to my wife's ex-parents-in-law. An elderly couple straight out of Australian Gothic. They couldn't believe Magenta had forsaken their fine, upstanding, white Anglo Saxon son for a short, swarthy, frizzy-haired wog like me, and gave me the stink eye. I still swell with pride when I remember this.

The upshot here is, your parents-in-law are not supposed to like you, and you're not supposed to like them. That's the way of the world mate, it's, well, normal!

All normal sized babies are delivered by stork. Heavier babies are delivered by crane.